


The Attractiveness Experiment

by that_one_british_alien_from_doctor_who (nancynotruth)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling, The Puffs
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Lily Luna Potter, BAMF Rose Weasley, But only if every single character is as queer as humanly possible, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Humor, I have decided that I will continue to write for the Harry Potter fandom, Idiots in Love, Jewish Potter Family, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Teddy Lupin/James Sirius Potter, Or as scientific as the wizarding world gets, Requited Unrequited Love, Scientific studies, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love, Slow Burn, Trans Scorpius Malfoy, Whump, nonbinary Lily Luna Potter, references to the Puffs, she/they Lily Luna Potter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2021-04-18
Packaged: 2021-04-19 17:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21915592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nancynotruth/pseuds/that_one_british_alien_from_doctor_who
Summary: When Scorpius learns that Albus has a crush on him, he's determined not to make it an issue. But when he is assigned a social experiment in Muggle Studies class, he sees a way to not only ace his project but to win the heart of Rose Granger-Weasley. As the attractiveness experiment progresses, however, he has to contend with some very unscientific and unexpected feelings.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Scorpius Malfoy/Albus Severus Potter, Scorpius Malfoy/Rose Weasley (unrequited)
Comments: 85
Kudos: 168





	1. Train Ride Chats

**Author's Note:**

> This is a finished work, and will be updated every Sunday until the last chapter!

The Hogwarts Express ride was Albus’ time to tell Scorpius everything he’d been bottling up all Summer. Letter writing never came easily to him, but Scorpius was more than happy to receive telegram-length owls all through the Summer if it meant he could listen to Albus talk. Almost as soon as they saw each other, it would start. 

First, Albus would complain about every grievance delivered by the Potters, the Weasleys, the Granger-Weasleys, and all of his other fifty odd close relatives. He'd move on to detailed descriptions of his Quidditch failures during the traditional family game, where he was always forced to play keeper—“Lily set the Quaffle on fire, Scorp! It could have burned off my hair if I hadn’t ducked in time!”—the day-to-day antics of his pet ferret, Toaster (he’d spent far too much time with his Grandpa Weasley in his youth), and even the rare moments where one or more members of his family actually got along. 

Scorpius treasured their yearly tell-all tradition. Sometimes, as he spent the Summer months enclosed in the cavernous, cold, dusty halls of Malfoy Manor (all Malfoy house elves had been long ago released) with his Father moping around, still in mourning attire, it was all that got him through the day. How he was the only person Albus trusted enough to talk to about all this. It proved that they were really, really best friends.

On the September 9th of their sixth year, Scorpius arrived at platform 9 3/4 over an hour early. He’d spent the better part of an hour scanning the crown for Albus’ infamous Potter hair, murmuring distracted hellos to his fellow Slytherins as they went to say hello to the people they really wanted to see. Despite his father's somewhat reassuring presence, he was beginning to feel very alone when, thanks to his recent growth spurt, he finally spotted the trademark red and black Potter/Weasley/Granger heads through the crowd. Leaving his father far behind, he raced towards them as though he’d spelled his dragon skin boots with super speed. But when he’d finally reached his best friend’s side, beaming as wide as he possibly could, he was very unpleasantly surprised. 

Albus didn't even look at Scorpius. He completely ignored his outstretched hand, said an enthusiastic but quiet hello, and then become so mute that Scorpius began to wonder whether someone (James, most likely) had cast a lip-locker curse on him, even though he was still able to snap at his Mum when she tried to brush his hair away from his face. His odd disposition had not worn off, even half an hour into their journey to Hogwarts. Albus was sitting on the opposite end of his bench, facing the wall, still not saying a word. Scorpius couldn’t see expression without some dramatic leaning (he’d fallen off the bench already), but judging by his body language, curled up into himself with shoulders shaking, he was not happy.

“Do you want a chocolate frog?” Scorpius asked when he couldn’t bear the silence anymore, his voice cracking even more than usual, the cavernous silence of the train car reminding him an uncomfortable amount of Malfoy Manor. Albus shrugged, so he tried again. “You know what they say about sweets…”

“I’m already your friend,” Albus said, his voice thick and choky, and Scorpius had to abandon his hope that Albus was just shivering from the cold. He knew what his best friend’s voice sounded like after he’d been crying. 

“It can’t hurt. Here, take one.” Scorpius extended his hand towards the lump that was Albus, holding the frog tightly in case it decided to make a run for it. Albus blindly reached back and grabbed the part of the frog that Scorpius wasn’t holding, but somehow between them they fumbled the handoff enough that the frog was able to get away. 

“Get it!” Scorpius shouted as he threw himself off the seat, lunging to capture the frog as it hopped to the opposite bench seat. Albus sprang into action, leaping across the car and making a grab for the frog. Sensing danger, it hopped back onto the floor. Albus followed in hot pursuit, an as the frog hopped this way and that to avoid his trainers it forgot to avoid Scorpius’s hands. 

Scorpius grinned triumphantly as he held up the struggling frog, but his grin slipped from his face as he took in Albus’. His eyes were swollen, his face red and blotchy, the sleeves of his shirt (featuring the logo and faces of some Muggle band Scorpius had never heard of) were smeared with something that looked an awful lot like snot. Scorpius held the frog out to him, a silent peace offering, and Albus reached to take it. Scorpius didn’t want to be paranoid, but it seemed like he was making a pretty big effort to not touch Scorpius’s hands, snatching his fingers back whenever they touched his own. Eventually, Scorpius just dumped the frog into his palm, trying not to feel too upset. Maybe Albus had developed a touch complex over the Summer. Anything is possible. 

Albus started back to his corner, to curl up into a taciturn ball of sulkiness again. 

“Wait!” Scorpius called after him. Albus turned back. After a moment, he raised an eyebrow (a feat of which Scorpius had always been jealous) waiting for the rest of the sentence. Unfortunately, Scorpius hadn’t thought that far ahead. “What’s wrong?” He blurted out, tactlessly. 

“Nothing.” Albus turned his back on him again. 

“Come on, you know you can tell me. You can tell me anything.” Scorpius got to his feet and set a comforting hand on Albus’s shoulder, but Albus jolted forward like he’d just been burned. 

“Not this. This is the one thing I can’t tell you. I’m sorry.” 

“Not even a hint?” Scorpius retreated back to his side of the bench, eyes wide and sad. 

“No.” Albus turned back around. “Oh, please, don’t use that face.” A few more tears slipped down his cheek. 

“Why not?” 

“Because…I’m not telling you that.” 

“Come on. I’m your best friend!” 

“I know. That’s exactly why I can’t tell you.” 

“Can I ask you questions to try and figure it out?”

“Fine, but only if you stop it with that hurt puppy face.” Scorpius beamed, and Albus reluctantly smiled back, like he couldn’t help it. “You can have five yes or no questions.” 

“I will have you know that I am the master of yes or no questions,” Scorpius boasted, back to his happy, peppy self. Albus sat back down, looking as though this train led to the gallows instead of Hogwarts. “Is it something about me?” 

“Yes,” Albus sighed. 

“I knew it!” Scorpius pumped his fist, before realizing the repercussions of this answer. “Oh. Is it something that I did? If it is, I’m so sorry.” 

“No, you’re okay.” 

“Phew. Is it…an animal?” 

“In what situation would you have anything to do with an animal?” Scorpius had never had or wanted a pet. They made far too much of a mess for his liking. The only reason he was so good at transfiguration was because he couldn't stand to have an animal on his desk. 

“I thought maybe you found out that I transfigured Toaster into an actual toaster and couldn’t turn him back for an entire day.” 

“You what?” Albus asked, changing from a pathetic crying mess to an angry father in less than a second. Scorpius cringed away. 

“Well, that obviously wasn’t it. Let’s move on. Is it something you did?” 

“Kind of.” Albus was still angry, and slightly sulky, but angry/sulky Albus was better than crying/sulky Albus. Scorpius counted that as a win. 

“Is it something about your feelings?” 

“My feelings? What kind of feelings? Where did that question come from?” Albus asked, so defensively that Scorpius knew he’d touched a nerve. 

“Well, they seem to be hurt.” 

“Why would you ever say that?” Albus snapped, narrowing his red rimmed eyes and brushing another tear off his cheek. 

“Er…I…you seem…never mind. Just answer the question.” But Scorpius had a horrible feeling that he already knew what Albus would say, and was not at all surprised when the answer was a reluctant: 

“Yeah.” 

“Oh my god.” Everything was starting to make sense. Every clue falling in place.

“I’m so sorry!” Albus whispered desperately, his eyes widening and lip trembling. “I never wanted to…” 

“You hate me.” It was the only explanation for why Albus wouldn’t touch his hands, why he wouldn’t even look at him. He was repulsed by Scorpius. “Your family or someone has finally convinced you that I’m Voldemort’s child.” 

"But we already met Voldemort's child, and she definitely wasn't you," Albus said, too rationally. 

"Immaterial," Scorpius said, flapping his hands in the air. "You you hate me and you don’t want to be near me anymore."

“I what?” 

“It’s okay, I get it.” 

“You get it?” 

“I’ll just leave now,” he said miserably, starting the long trudge of shame towards the door and a long line of people who wouldn’t let him sit with them. But just as he was about to open the compartment door, he felt a warm hand grab his wrist. 

“Wait, Scorp. I don’t hate you.” 

Scorpius turned back in surprise and a gigantic amount of relief. 

“Oh, thank Merlin.” 

They smiled at each other for a second, but then Albus seemed to realize that his hand was still wrapped around his wrist, and snatched it back like Scorpius was made of flames. 

“Then why do you keep doing that?” Scorpius asked, his voice rising an octave, gesturing to Albus’s wrist, and then his own. “I know we aren’t hugging friends, but refusing to have any physical contact with me seems to be going a bit far.” 

“I’m not refusing to have any physical contact with you!” Albus said indignantly. 

“Then prove it.” Scorpius held out his hand. “Hold my hand.” 

“Please don’t ask me to do that.” 

“If you don’t hate me, why wouldn’t you hold my hand?” Scorpius inched his hand further towards Albus, who shrank even further into the corner. 

“I’ve developed a phobia to physical contact.” 

“Then why did you let your mum and dad hug you goodbye?” 

“Well, they’re family. My newly-developed phobia is very specific.” 

“You also let Ron and Hermione hug you.” 

“They’re also family.” 

“You shook hands with Ms. Abbot and you even shook hands with my father,” Scorpius said, pacing and flapping his hands frantically as he became more and more worked up. 

“They’re as good as family.” 

“And I’m not?” Scorpius nearly shouted. “I’m your best friend.” 

“Yeah, well—”

“If anyone’s as good as family, it’s me!” 

“I suppose—” Albus began sheepishly. 

“Why would you be able to have physical contact with them and not me?” 

“I—”

“Unless…you lied before.” Scorpius finished, his shoulders slumping as he came to the inevitable conclusion. “You really do hate me.” 

“I don’t hate you, you idiot,” Albus said, probably louder than he intended, rolling is eyes theatrically. “My problem is exactly the opposite.” 

“You…really like me? But I already knew that. I really like you too, that’s why we’re friends.” 

Albus slapped his forehead, his head rolling backwards with the impact. “No, you daft git. I fancy you.” 

“Oh, okay, I suppose that makes more sense.” Scorpius shrugged and went to go sit back down, when the full impact of the words finally hit him. “Wait. You fancy me?” 

Albus had squished himself back in the corner, but his miserable nod was all the information Scorpius needed. 

“I’m so sorry. I never wanted to ruin our friendship. You can leave if you want, I won’t look.” Albus turned his head back into the corner, waving pathetically towards the door. 

“Alright, so you fancy me.” Scorpius thought aloud, as he ignored the invitation to leave and resumed his seat on the opposite end of the bench. “You fancy me, and I fancy Rose, but that hasn’t ruined my friendship with her, so it won’t ruin your friendship with me.”

“You and Rose were never friends.” Albus said, and Scorpius could almost hear his eyes rolling. 

“Well, a man can only hope,” Scorpius said with dignity. “But I can promise you that I won’t let this ruin our friendship.” 

“Thanks.” 

“Hey, maybe we could call ourselves The Love Triangle,” Scorpius said enthusiastically. 

“More like The Love Line, because I fancy you, but you don’t fancy me, and you fancy Rose but she doesn’t even tolerate you, and Rose and are first cousins so that obviously wouldn’t work,” Albus explained, drawing an illustrative line across the air. 

“Ah,” Scorpius said, crestfallen. 

“So you definitely don’t like me, then,” Albus said, with only a slight waver in his voice. 

“I’m so sorry, Al,” Scorpius said gently. “But I’m glad you told me.” 

“And you’ll still be my friend?” 

“Always.” 

Albus took a deep breath and nodded once, briskly. 

“Alright. Now that’s out of the way, do you want to play Gobstones?” 

They settled down to a game, and by the time they had been both been squirted in the face several times, Albus was finally telling Scorpius all about his summer. 

"And then, James broke into my room and replaced all of my posters with pictures of gigantic spiders. I wasn't scared, just annoyed, but then Uncle Ron came up to call me for dinner and fainted! Just dead fainted!" 

And Scorpius and Albus both could almost forget about their previous conversation. 

Almost.


	2. All These Little Rejections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scorpius had expected everything to go back to normal, right away. So what if Albus fancied him? They were best friends. They were going to be fine. 
> 
> Unfortunately, Albus didn't seem to feel the same way.

Scorpius had expected everything to go back to normal right away. He’d never been especially good at social interactions (a socially awkward Malfoy. Merlin, sometimes he thought his grandfather _hated_ him), but with Albus, everything had always been easy. Scorpius saw absolutely no reason why that should change, no matter what.

Unfortunately, Albus didn’t seem to feel the same way. 

They were nearing Hogwarts when things began to go wrong. For the first time ever, instead of getting dressed in the compartment with Scorpius, Albus braved possible contact with James or another of his tormentors (read: Gryffindors), to change into a new shirt and his robes in the train’s loo. He hadn’t come back until the train had already pulled into the station, and Scorpius was left on his own for a good fifteen minutes. He’d seen Rose pass by the compartment, but it just didn’t seem right to ask her out when Albus was still hurting. 

Scorpius hadn’t remarked upon Albus’s weird behavior, figuring it would be all over soon. But Albus was fidgety all through dinner, saying less than a full sentence all put together as Scorpius yammered on an on, trying to fill the gaps in their conversation. And that night, instead of sneaking into Scorpius’s bed after lights out to chat, Albus immediately drew his drapes and wasn’t seen until the next day.

In the mornings, they usually showered at the same time for companionship (in separate stalls, of course). But that day Albus stayed in bed for so long, presumably waiting for Scorpius to be done with his shower, that he nearly missed breakfast. Scorpius saved him a plate, of course, but Albus (shocking literally everyone) took it to the Gryffindor table to eat with his family. Even James, seeing his brother’s red-rimmed eyes (how long had he cried last night?) Had only punched him twice. Lily had given him a hug, which had quickly turned into a chokehold. But that was still more compassion than Scorpius had ever seen her publicly exhibit, especially towards Albus. 

Nearly a week later, everything was still _off. _Albus still moved his chair to the furthest edge of every desk in every classroom, unwilling to move but even more unwilling to be right next to his best friend (and apparent crush, but what did that matter? They were _best friends!)_. He stopped in the great hall just long enough to eat breakfast. Scorpius had no idea what he did for the other two meals, but he suspected Lily. Albus would just disappear after the last class every day, and Scorpius was already falling behind in class from using his studying hours to scour the castle for Albus’ hiding place. 

Finally, after Albus had nearly fallen off of his chair for the third time, avoiding Scorpius’ arm as he leaned across the desk to grab a time-sensitive ingredient, Scorpius had enough. 

As soon as potions was over, he grabbed Albus by the sleeve of his robe (careful not to touch his skin directly) and jerked him, protesting, across the castle until they ended up up on the landing of one of the changing staircases. 

“We’re missing class,” Albus grumbled, trying futility to tug his arm away from Scorpius’s iron grip. 

“Since when have you cared so much about class?” Scorpius snapped. Albus didn’t reply. “That’s what I thought. Now listen, Albus, we have to talk about this.” 

“No, we don’t!” Albus said, raising both his voice and his arms, tugging at his hair with his free hand.

“Calm down, sonny boy,” wheezed an irritated old wizard in a nearby portrait, shaking his rather garish parasol in the boys’ direction. “Some of use are trying to sleep.” 

“Sorry,” Albus and Scorpius said at the same time, but the Wizard had already repositioned his parasol to block out the worst of the painted sun’s painted rays and gone back to sleep. 

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Albus whispered. “We’ve already done all the talking that needs to be done.” 

“I thought we had, too,” Scorpius said. “But you’re still upset.” 

“Of course I’m—” Albus nearly shouted, but quickly lowered his voice as the parasol-holding wizard began to stir “—of course I’m still upset. Aren’t you upset, whenever Rose turns you down? She can be quite brutal, I’ve seen it.” 

“I mean, I am a bit depressed for a moment,” Scorpius said, wrinkling his nose as he thought back to his frequent and far too public humiliations at Rose’s hands. “But it’s alright, because I know someday she’ll have to give in.” 

“But I don’t know that,” Albus said, slouching against small slice of bare wall between portraits, all the fight gone from his body. “And I know you never give up, but I already have. Because I don’t want to pressure you, or hurt our friendship, or be a predatory gay creep. So, yeah, it’s hard. And I hate that my entire family feels sorry for my now, and I hate that I’m already getting P’s my first week back, and I _really_ hate that I’m talking about this to you of all people. So yeah, I’m just going to stop now.” 

There was silence in the stairwell for a few moments, save for the wheezy snores of the wizard with the parasol. Scorpius, not wanting to look at Albus but also not wanting to do anything that could be interpreted as not wanting to look at Albus, settled for reading the plaque inset in the portrait’s frame. The wizard, it seemed, was named Hoboken the Irritable. 

“It’s alright,” Scorpius said quietly. “If you want some space.” 

“That’s literally the opposite of what I want,” Albus replied, sniffing just a bit. “But I think it’s what I need.” 

“It’s alright,” Scorpius repeated, but something in his chest felt like it was snapping. The last time they’d been separated, Scorpius had fought with everything in him. He’d fought Harry, he’d fought Umbridge, he’d fought the dementors, he’d fought Delphi. He’d gotten Albus back, just to lose him again, and this time he wasn’t even fighting. 

“Thanks,” Albus said, barely cracking a smile. “You’re a good…friend.” 

“Yeah, I am,” Scorpius joked, but, although he seemed to be trying really hard, Albus still couldn’t manage his trademark grin. 

The landing began to move, swinging across the open space to connect up to another staircase. Scorpius was trying to figure out where it would connect (he’d developed an algorithm back in third year, but he still wasn’t sure if it actually worked) when he heard a gasp from the other end of the landing. 

Albus.

He’d still been leaning up against the wall. 

His arms were flailing, trying to regain his balance, but he was just seconds from falling over the edge of the platform and splattering on the floor, meters and meters below. 

Despite the voice in the back of his head (_Albus doesn’t want you to touch him, don’t do anything stupid_) Scorpius dove across the platform and grabbed Albus around the waist, throwing himself backwards. Albus toppled over, but his fall was broken by Scorpius’s body instead of the hard stone floor. 

They lay there for a few seconds as the shock wore off, and then Albus nearly threw himself across the still moving staircase, away from Scorpius. 

“Thanks,” he said, not sounding very thankful. “But Madam Pomfrey probably could’ve fixed any injuries.” 

“I know she fixed your Dad up a lot,” Scorpius said, dusting himself off, trying not to be hurt by the less-than-grateful reception to his dramatic save. “But Wayne still hasn’t recovered from that broomstick through the head the other year. Who’s to say she hasn’t lost her touch?” 

“I think _she’d _definitely say that she hasn’t lost her touch!” Albus said, almost laughing, and Scorpius smiled at him, and he almost smiled back. 

But then, their staircase finally connected. And Albus picked himself up. And the moment was over. 

“Bye,” Albus said, holding his shoulders stiff and resolved, looking almost exactly like the old Daily Prophet pictures of his father. This wasn’t a light bye until dinner, or a laden bye over the until September. This was a indefinite bye, a bye that could last forever. Scorpius honestly thought he might throw up. 

“Come back,” Scorpius called after him, desperately. “When you can, come back.” 

Albus looked back over his shoulder, eyes shining. “If I can.” 

And then Albus was gone. 

And Scorpius lay on the platform for hours, moving back and forth across the hallway until dinner time, thinking of the look in Albus’ eyes and trying not to cry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! It's been a really long time....thanks for waiting for me to finally update. This chapter was a bit more exposition, but the next one should really get into the plot! 
> 
> Please tell me what you think, if you feel like it. Comments and kudos absolutely make my day! 
> 
> Stay safe, wash your hands. I promise I'll be back with the next chapter soon.


	3. The Mess You Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's winter break, and Albus and Scorpius are as distant as they've been all year. Nobody is happy about it. Especially Lily.

From September to December, the former best friends barely spent ten minutes alone together. They were still in all of the same classes, there was nothing they could do about that. Sure, Albus could’ve called his father, who could’ve easily talked to McGonagall and sorted out the whole situation. And, despite his apparent change of heart, he’d probably be thrilled to personally ensure that Albus and Scorpius were kept apart, no matter the reason.

But Albus elected not to bring Harry into this. After all, he intended on being friends with Scorpius again, no matter how long it took. He also knew that their fathers were just becoming friends again, and if news of any kind of spat got out, the newly formed and extremely tentative Potter-Malfoy truce would crumple completely.

So Albus still talked to Scorpius in class._Pass that beaker, please _or _I’ve run out of ink, do you have any extra? _Nothing personal, nothing weighted. But, no matter how hard he tried, his stomach turned to liquid every time his fingers touched Scorpius’ skin. And he couldn’t see Scorpius covered in an exploded potion, groaning in defeat, without thinking….well. It was bad enough to think about it at the time. He didn’t have enough hours in the day to remember every time that he’d had forbidden thoughts about Scorpius.

He’d taken to eating at the Hufflepuff table, his back to the Slytherins, so that he couldn’t seeScorpius, head bowed, eating alone with a book. More often than not, Scorpius had suspiciously red eyes after meals, and the book was covered with what Albus strongly suspected weren’t butter beer stains.

This couldn’t go on. Albus’ selfish crush wasn’t only affecting him anymore. His inability to control his emotions was ruining two lives, instead of just one. Was this the way his father had felt, all his life? Trying to fix the world while he couldn’t fix himself?

Albus sat with his family on the train ride back to King’s Cross. He avoided chocolate frogs like the plague, and wouldn’t even look at Pepper Imps. James punched him four times, and even though he’d never admit it, they felt really good. Rose snapped at him for touching her owl’s crate, and that felt good, too. It felt wonderful to have someone finally be angry with him, hit him, try to make him feel bad. If only Scorpius had done the same, maybe he’d be able to live with himself. To make up for the lack of retaliation, Albus had taken to flicking himself on the wrist whenever he had one of those unfortunate thoughts. It didn’t help, much, but it definitely hurt. And even though the thoughts didn’t stop, Albus’ head always felt clearer afterwards.

Growing up in a household at war, Albus was used to feeling the consequences of his actions.Bed without supper, no broomsticks for a month (that had worked very well on James, not so much on him), no visits to Grandpa Weasley (that had devastated Albus, but it had also upset Grandpa Weasley enough that his mum had quickly removed the punishment). When Lily had stopped talking to him after she’d been sorted into Gryffindor, he’d told his mum and she’d sent Lily a howler. He’d smiled while one of the most recognizable voices in the wizarding world had called Lily out for elitism in front of the entire school. And Lily had been nicer to him, after that.

She was staring at him, now, her eyes big and sad.

“Why don’t you go see Scorpius?” They asked quietly, shifting close enough to Albus that Rose and James (who were engaged in a lively chocolate frog trade) couldn’t hear. “He’s all alone in a compartment, and I think he’s crying.”

“Not now, Lils,” Albus said stiffly.

“When?” Lily asked, voice rising, the trademark Weasley redness coloring her face. “He’s all alone, and he’s been all alone for a long time. I thought you were his friend.”

“You’re not with your friends.”

“Yeah, and they have other friends. I’m not as close to anyone as you are to Scorpius, Al. I used to think it was sick, now I think it’s sick that you’d just up and leave him like that.”

Albus didn’t respond.

“He changed time to save you,” Lily pressed, getting even closer to Al’s face. “You won’t even walk two cars down to keep him company.”

Albus didn’t have anything to say to that, either.

The tense silence between them stretched on. Albus could nearly feel Lily’s patience wearing through, but what could he say? How could he explain his disgusting feelings, and how hard it was to wake up every single day and remember that he wasn’t talking to Scorpius, that he’d done it all for Scorpius’ own good?

How could he say that he didn’t know if he was doing it for Scorpius at all, anymore?

“Everyone in my house says that Slytherins are evil,” Lily finally said, sliding away from Albus, eyes positively flinty. “I always tell them that you’re just misunderstood. That they need to rethink their prejudiced stances. That my bother is in Slytherin, and he’s one of the nicest guys I know. But you know what? I’m beginning to think I was wrong, in your case at least. _Slytherin._”

She spit the last word in Albus’ face, landing harder than any of James’ punches. Albus actually flinched backwards.

“Lily,” he started, but they cut him off.

“No,” she said. “Wait until I’ve calmed down.” And she walked across the compartment to trade five Ron Weasleys for a Luna Lovegood.

Albus was quiet for the rest of the train ride. On the way to change his robes, he saw Scorpius sitting alone in their compartment, staring out the window. Oh, merlin. He was definitely crying. But even with red eyes and blotchy cheeks, he was so incredibly…Albus wheeled around and flicked himself on the wrist, hard. But, this time, it didn’t even clear his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thanks for waiting for me. The chapters will get longer soon! I really hope you enjoyed this. Kudos and comments, as always, absolutely make my day. Thank you for reading!!


	4. And I'm Missing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though Albus hadn’t talked to him in months (wow. Months.) Scorpius had really thought that he’d break his silence during winter break. 
> 
> Apparently not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone! The Attractiveness Experiment is back!! I know it's been over a year. I'm sorry if you've been waiting for the next chapter, but the good news is that I've finished the entire story AND I'm posting two different chapters today! I hope you enjoy them.

Scorpius sighed as he lay on the floor of his ridiculously large, fairly dusty, very ornate room. The curtains were drawn, making the dark green walls look almost as black as the varnished wooden floors. At the moment, it fit his mood perfectly.

Why hadn’t Albus sent an owl yet? Winter break had started almost an entire week ago, and usually by this time they were writing back and forth nearly on the hour, filling each other in on their family drama and holiday plans. Of course, Albus’ letters were rarely over a sentence long, so they’d also to find time to floo or talk through those mirrors Albus had kind of stolen from his dad. Even though Albus hadn’t talked to him in months (wow. Months.) Scorpius had really thought that he’d break his silence during winter break.

Apparently not.

He scratched idly at the closest wall, his overly long nail bending almost to the breaking point. He should probably cut them soon. He hadn’t bothered with more than the most basic personal hygiene in months, because he felt personally responsible for Albus not being able to shower unless Scorpius wasn’t in the bathroom. Maybe the green paint building up under Scorpius’ fingernail would be the final push he needed. He was home now, after all. He could take a really long shower. A bath, even.

Scorpius stopped scratching when he noticed that he’d worn away enough green for the under-layer of bright pink to be visible. His mom had been so excited, going to a muggle store and using a muggle paint roller (which she spelled to paint the walls by itself) to fix up this room for her baby daughter. She’d hidden her disappointment well when he’d asked to move rooms or at least have a different color on the walls, but not quite well enough.

All he ever did was upset people.

Even Albus. He hadn’t thought that he could upset Albus. At least not permanently. At least not anymore.

“Scorpius?” His dad’s voice called through the door. “Come on, son. You need to eat.”

  
“I know.”

“Would you like me to go into town and get you some Chinese food?”

  
“Sure.” Scorpius’ dad had coped well with his new taste for Chinese food, after he’d spent Christmas with the Potters when both of his parents were at St. Mungo’s. Scorpius had a sneaking suspicion that he was secretly fond of it, too (even though most purebloods were fundamentally opposed to anything but old English Wizarding recipes). He’d never told Albus that. He may never be able to, now.

“I know you miss him.” His dad’s voice was surprisingly quiet and sympathetic, something that no one else seemed to realize a Malfoy could be. “If you ever want to talk about it…”

“I know, Dad. I’ll come to you.”

“Good. Glad we had this talk. Do you want your usual?”

  
“No.” Albus had ordered for him the first time he’d eaten Chinese. “Just pick something you think I might like off the menu, okay?”

His dad didn’t answer, but Scorpius heard the telltale popping sound of apparition from the other side of the thick oak door. He was really alone in Malfoy Manor. Usually, he’d use this opportunity to have an uninterrupted (at least, on his end) talk with Albus. Now he didn’t know what to do.

Scorpius went back to picking at the wall. He didn’t really care if the pink paint showed anymore. There’s no way it could make him feel worse than he already did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! As always, comments and kudos are chicken soup for this poor author's soul. Stay safe out there.


	5. Much Needed Motherly Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ginny takes a break from the chaos of preparing for shabbat (thank Merlin her husband can cook) to talk to her youngest son. Albus hasn't come out of his room since he got back from Hogwarts, and she's determined to find out why. 
> 
> Luckily for Albus, if anyone can understand having a debilitating and unrequited crush on a friend, it's Ginny Weasley.

“How many for Shabbat this week?” Ginny asked, summoning the candlesticks with a flick of her wand. Harry ducked as they zoomed directly at his head on their way to the table. 

“Don’t I already have enough scars for you?” He grumbled. Ginny rolled her eyes. 

“Oh, please. I thought you were a seeker.” 

“Well, Al hasn’t come out of his room since he got home,” Harry said, ignoring her. “James and Teddy will both want to come, and I think Lily might have a friend over. Plus Ron and Hermione and maybe Rose, and I think Dean and Seamus’ family might be dropping by.” 

“It’s hard to believe our family only has five people,” Ginny said, shaking her head. “We’re lucky my mom gave us about a thousand china sets for our wedding.” 

“I agree. It’s hard to believe we have three kids, because I haven’t seen Albus in a month. I barely even know what he looks like anymore.” 

“Oh, Harry. Don’t be so dramatic.”

“I’m not being dramatic! If it weren’t for all those paparazzi photos in the Daily Prophet, I wouldn’t even know how long his har is.” 

“Fine. You can stop dropping hints. I’ll go talk to him.” 

“I wasn’t dropping hints!” 

“Harry James Potter, you are many things. But subtle will never be one of them. Now I’m going to go talk to our son, so you’ll have to finish dinner. I just have some kugel, loaf of challah, rosemary blintzes, rugelach, and of course a salad.” 

“Oh, if that’s all.” 

“Oi, do you want to feed however many people are coming over on just one dish? I think my mother might just apparate over here to tell me what a lousy host I am.” 

“You’re a wonderful host, Gin. And a wonderful mother. If anyone can get Albus to open up, it’s you.” Harry grabbed her arm as she passed him on her way to the door, and kissed her hand. “Good luck, dear.” 

“Thanks, Harry. Don’t you dare ruin my rugelach.” 

As she walked to the staircase, Ginny conjured various Maggan David and Shabbat Shalom banners to create a nice, homey feel. 

Sure, she had been a little bit hesitant at first. Harry goes on a year long trip around the Muggle world without her and comes back with a yarmulke and a siddur, what was she supposed to think? But after he’d taken her to Synagogue a few times and persuaded her to hold Shabbat at their home, she’d come around. Maybe she missed Christmas a bit, but she did like Chinese food and a movie on the telly-vision her father had given them. Besides, her mother definitely liked not having to make all of her holiday sweaters at the same time. 

“Albus?” She called, stopping on the second landing. 

“No.” 

“Come on, Al, let me in. I just want to talk.” 

“If I say no will you go away?” 

“No.” 

“Alright, fine.” 

Ginny pulled open the door and winced. Albus was usually so tidy, but today it looked like a swarm of Cornish Pixies had ransacked his room. Albus himself was huddled under roughly five blankets in the middle of the bed, next to a large pile of what looked like stale biscuits. 

“Hey, Al. What’s going on?” She waited a minute, but he didn’t respond. “I know you’re in there. Come on, you can talk to me. Is it about Scorpius?”   
“Why would you think that?” Ginny almost wished that Albus hadn’t raised his head. His eyes were bright red, and his hair was almost messier than Harry’s had ever been. 

“Well, you’re usually borrowing Sophie ten times a day to owl him, and sneaking floo powder up to your room by the pound.” Sophocles was their barn owl. They’d gotten him when Lily was too young to properly pronounce his name, and Sophie had stuck. 

“You know about the floo powder?” 

“You’re not exactly subtle. I think you inherited it from your father.” 

“Ugh, please don’t.” 

“So, are you going to tell me what’s going on between you and Scorpius?”   
“Nothing.” 

“Oh, come on, Albus. I’m not an idiot, no matter what the Daily Prophet would have you believe.” 

“No, I am telling the truth. There’s nothing going on between me and him. We haven’t talked since October.” 

“What? I mean, why? Albus, he’s your best friend. If he’s ditched you, I swear to Merlin I’ll—” 

“He didn’t do anything. It’s all me. All my fault.” Albus pulled the blankets back up above his head, and even through all five layers Ginny could see his shoulders shaking.   
“I can’t imagine that, Albus. You’re such a wonderful person, I don’t think that you’d stop being friends with Scorpius for anything.” 

“That’s just the thing. I want to stop being friends with Scorpius.”   
“Then why are you crying?” 

“I want to stop being friends with him, and start being boyfriends, okay?” The blankets began to shake even more violently, and Ginny could hear Albus hyperventilating from almost three feet away. 

“Oh, sweetie.” She laid her hand where she thought Albus’ back was, and began to rub it in soothing circles. “I know exactly what you mean.” 

“No, you don’t.”   
“Actually, if there’s anyone who knows what you’re talking about, it’s me. You know, your father and I got together during my fifth year at Hogwarts.” 

“Yeah, I know. I had to put it on a timeline in Magical History.” 

“Well, that’s…disturbing. Anyway, we got together in my fifth year, but I got a crush on him the year before I started at Hogwarts. I couldn’t even look at him when I was a first year, and in my first year I sent him a poem that included the lyric ‘his eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad.’ I was literally the definition of hopeless.”   
“You sent him a poem?”   
“Actually, I had a gnome sing it to him in the middle of the hallway in front of half the school. But that’s not important.”   
“Not important? You compared Dad’s eyes to a potions ingredient!” 

“Anyway,” Ginny continued, flushing just a bit, “it was miserable. He was my bother’s best friend, and he was interested in Cho Chang, and I was a whole year younger than him which basically meant I was on a different planet for about four years. Besides, I think at least five of my brothers would have hexed him if he asked me out.” 

“How did you deal with that?” Albus asked, poking his head out of his cocoon. Ginny smiled to herself. She’d gotten his interest. 

“Hermione. Everything you’ve heard about her isn’t lip service, she really is the smartest witch I’ve ever met. She told me to just move on, date other people and enjoy having Harry as a friend. And once I did that, I finally started to act like myself around him instead of just an idiot with a crush.”

“And that worked?”   
“All I’ll say is that as soon as I started dating, your father suddenly found me completely irresistible.” 

“Mom!”   
“Hey, I wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true. I went out with Michael Corner, Luna Lovegood, Susan Bones, and Dean Thomas. And practically the moment I’d broken up with Dean your father kissed me in the middle of the common room.”

“You went out with Aunt Luna?” 

“For about a week. It was fun, and then we went back to being friends.” 

“So you can still be friends with someone you have a crush on.” 

“Albus, speaking from personal experience, the best thing you can do is be friends with him. Be yourself around him. And be open to other romantic possibilities.”   
“It’s not that easy for me.”   
“Then be open to other friendships. Hey, I know it’s been a while but why don’t you join us for Shabbat tonight? We’ll have a lot of people over, and I’m sure you won’t have to talk to anyone if you don’t want to. I just hate to see you up here all alone.”  
“Are you making kugel?” 

“Yes, just in case you came down.” 

“Alright.” Albus flashed her a weak smile. “Thanks, Mom. I feel better.” 

“Good. I’m glad. Now splash some water on your face and come downstairs. Sunset’s in about five minutes, and you don’t want to miss Lily trying to teach her new friend the prayers!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shabbat Shalom! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I had a lot of fun adding in some Jewish details, mostly just foods (blintzes are fantastic, but I don't personally recommend kugel). A Maggan David is a Star of David (Jewish Star) and a siddur is a prayer book. 
> 
> There honestly aren't enough Jewish characters out there, and I fell in love with Jewish Harry (and, by extension, Jewish Potters) the first time I read about them in a fic. I hope I did them justice. 
> 
> If you feel like it, please do leave a comment or kudos! I appreciate every single one. Love you all. Stay safe.


	6. I'm Already Your Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was one thing knowing that he and Albus weren’t talking anymore. It was quite another to watch Albus walk straight past him as if he weren’t there. 
> 
> Scorpius braced himself the best he could for the inevitable disappointment, but he knew he’d be crushed either way. No amount of fizzing whizbees could make him feel better after what was about to happen. 
> 
> Except…Albus seemed to be heading directly towards him.

As Albus and the rest of his family spilled out of the wall leading onto Platform Nine and Three-Quarters, a mess of messy black and long red hair talking excitedly over each other, Scorpius took a deep breath. His father’s hand tightened around his shoulder, reminding him that he wasn’t alone. But he would be, after his father went back to the empty manor and he went back to a school where everyone hated him and he didn't have a single friend.

It was one thing knowing that he and Albus weren’t talking anymore. It was quite another to watch Albus walk straight past him as if he weren’t there. Scorpius braced himself the best he could for the inevitable disappointment, but he knew he’d be crushed either way. No amount of fizzing whizbees could make him feel better after what was about to happen.

Except…Albus seemed to be heading directly towards him.

Scorpius craned his neck to look over his shoulder, but he could only see people he didn’t know. Maybe Albus had made new friends over break, and they just happened to be standing behind him?

“Mr. Malfoy,” Albus said, stopping directly in front of them. Scorpius couldn’t see his father, but he could imagine him nodding slightly in recognition. “Scorpius,” he continued, making direct contact with him for the first time in months. “Hi.”

“Albus,” Scorpius said, trying to mimc Albus’ weird formal tone. Is this how they were going to talk from now on? Well, any talking was better than no talking at all, Scorpius guessed.

“I hope you had a good holiday.”

“It was fine.” Yeah, I spent most of my holiday lying down on the floor and crying. Nothing not fine about it.

“Would you mind coming with me for a minute? So we could talk. We still have a little while before the train leaves.”

“Me?” Scorpius asked, pointing at his chest with his wand.

“_Yes_, you,” Albus said, rolling his eyes. “When have I ever had a one-on-one conversation with your dad? No offense, Mr. Malfoy.”

“None taken,” Scorpius’ dad said. Scorpius could picture him trying not to smile. “I think I might just go over and talk to your mother. She sent me a new recipe and I haven’t been able to get it quite right.”

“Bye, Dad,” Scorpius said, giving him a quick hug.

“Goodbye, Scorpius. Please don’t hesitate to owl me if you need anything, or just want to talk.”

“I won’t.” Scorpius couldn’t believe his dad was being so embarrassing in front of Albus. He was sure he meant well, but what fifth year needed to owl his dad _just to talk? _

And then his dad was gone, waving to Albus’ mum, and Scorpius and Albus were alone. Well, as alone as you could be on a crowded train platform.

“Hi,” Albus said, staring intently at the wall directly behind Scorpius’ shoulder.

“Hi!”

  
“I’m, um, sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” None of this was Albus’ fault. It wasn’t his fault that he found Scorpius attractive. It wasn’t his fault that Scorpius wasn’t a good enough friend to keep that from being an issue.

“I know I’ve been the worst friend in the history of the world.” Albus sounded absolutely miserable. “I understand if you don’t want to hang out anymore. I just wanted to apologize.”

“What are you talking about? Of course I still want to be friends! I mean, if that’s what you want.”

“Really? Because I’d understand if you—”

Scorpius threw his arms around Albus’ shoulders, dropping his trunk and wand on the platform floor.

  
“I missed you so much,” he said.

“I missed you too,” Albus said, standing poker stiff.

“Oh,” Scorpius said, unwrapping his arms quickly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think. Do you want some chocolate? I have some chocolate. I tried to get gelt, you know, but they didn’t have it in any of the shops, so I got some with oranges it. You still like oranges, right?”

“Yeah, I still like oranges,” Albus said, grabbing Scorpius’ robe’s sleeve to keep him from moving further away. “But you don’t need to give me any sweets. I’m already your friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, everything's okay!! If you've read my synopsis, then you know that we're about to get into the plot. But for this week, I decided to leave you on a happy ending. I hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> If you feel like it, please do leave a comment or kudos! I appreciate every last one so much. Either way, thank you for reading!


	7. Question, Research, Hypothesis, Experiment.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “When I ran into Rose on the stairs just then, she told me that everything I did was horribly unattractive and that I’m the last person she’d ever consider going out with. And it made me realize something!” 
> 
> That maybe you should just give up on Rose? Albus thought.
> 
> “That I’ve got to be more attractive! And because you used to fancy me, you’d probably be able to tell when I’m doing something attractive. So that can be our project! You can rate things I do on a scale of how attractive they make me, from one to ten, with five being the baseline level. It’ll be great, Albus. We could make charts!”

“Hey, remember when we didn’t talk for like two months?” Scorpius asked, lounging across the bench on one side of the train car.

“You mean when we were in that alternate reality where I was in Gryffindor and my dad was a major jerk, or the other time?” Albus asked, leaning around the mountain of candy and pasties which were sharing the other bench with him.

“The other time.”

“No, I completely forgot about two of the worst months of my life,” Albus said, deadpan. He stuffed yet another pumpkin pasty in his mouth.

“What was all that about? Did we have, like, some kind of really big argument? Or were we just super moody teenagers?”

“You don’t…remember?”

“Al, it was like a year and a half ago and it made me so utterly depressed that I pretty much blocked it out.”

“Oh. In that case, I guess the moody teenagers explanation is the closest.”

“Well, I’m glad we got over whatever that was!”

_Over it _wasn’t exactly how Albus would explain the situation. He’d done his best to follow his mum’s advice and move on, but there just wasn’t anyone he wanted to move on _with_. The only other Hogwarts students he’d spent more than five minutes talking with were his relatives, and no matter what Teddy and James were up to, he really wasn’t into dating family.

Sure, he could sign up for some kind of Wizarding World dating service (if those even existed) but he was absolutely certain that he could never feel for anyone else the way he felt about Scorpius.

They hadn’t mentioned the whole unrequited crush thing after they’d made up in the train station, but Albus had just thought that it was a point they’d mutually agreed not to bring up. It was kind of weird to realize that Scorpius didn’t even remember his tear-filled confession of love. On the other hand…it was a probably good thing. It had been pretty humiliating.

“So, did Rose say anything about me?” Scorpius asked, sitting up and running his hands through his hair. Albus’ stomach did its usual squeezing, flipping motion as he noticed Scorpius’ shirt riding up and showing a full two inches of skin. As usual, he ignored it.

“Only that she wishes you’d stop chasing you around. Sorry, Scorp.”

“It’s just so depressing,” Scorpius said, heaving a massive sigh. “I thought the sapling of our love would be really tall by now. Isn’t that how it happened with your grandparents?”

“Yeah, but you’re not my grandparents.” _Also, you should probably stop chasing Rose around. Just because you like her doesn’t mean she likes you. I should know. _

“What is it?” Scorpius asked hopelessly, around a large bite of a squirming chocolate frog. “Am I just fundamentally unloveable? Am I so absolutely horrible to look at? Am I a complete bore?”

“No, Scorp. I’m sure there’s someone out there who would be absolutely thrilled to go on a date with you.”

“You’re wrong. No one will ever love me. I’m going to die alone, and I’ll be the last of the Malfoy family chain, and my grandfather will probably murder me in my sleep for not giving him an heir.”

“Are you, like, technically able to have children?” Albus asked.

“I’m going to die alone, and that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I’m just saying, you probably would be the last of the Malfoy family chain anyway. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself.”

“Ugh, look at me. I’m completely unattractive. My skin is all blotchy, and my hair is too light, and I’m not athletic or anything. I’m going to die alone.”

  
“Stop saying that!”

“Yeah? Well, name one person who’s ever found me attractive at all. That’s right, you can’t.”

“Well, there’s…” Albus trailed off. This isn’t where he wanted the conversation to go. Scorpius had forgotten all about Albus’ embarrassing, hopeless crush and now Albus was about to blunder in and remind him.

“There’s who, Albus? Did someone say something?”

“I meant so say, there was someone. For about two months. A year and a half ago.”

“Huh?” Scorpius’ eyebrows wrinkled, and he pursed his incredibly pink lips. Well, if he couldn’t figure it out from that ridiculously obvious hint, Albus wasn’t going to give him anything else. “OH! Oh, right. Merlin, I almost forgot.”

If only Albus could forget. Just for a minute. Just for a second.

“So you…yeah. Wow.”

Albus rolled his eyes. He should have just let Scorpius throw his pity party for a few more minutes, and then gently changed the subject to how Toaster had chewed holes in all of Lily’s Hanukkah sweaters.

“Whatever,” he said. “So, what classes are you signed up for this year?” They were signed up for all of the same classes, and Scorpius knew it.

  
“Just the usual,” Scorpius said, eyes still wide. “I hear we have some kind of big project in Muggle Studies this year.”

“Yeah. I guess we’ll figure it out when we get there.”

“I hope we can do an experiment.”

Scorpius had become obsessed with a muggle show called Mythbusters over the summer, basically holding the Potter’s TV hostage for over a month while he watched every single episode of the entire show. They’d all breathed a sigh of relief when they could finally go an hour without hearing a loud voice from the living room telling them not to try anything they were about to see at home.

“You know, we actually can try some of these things at home,” Scorpius had said. “Because we’re wizards.”

“What does that have to do with science?” Albus had asked.

“Well, we could just apparate if something was going to crush us, and we can put up protego during especially dangerous things.”

“You know that we can’t just go out and buy a ton of dynamite, right?”

“Yeah, but we can buy duct tape!”

“What kind of experiment?” Albus asked now.

“I heard from one of the seventh years that it was a social experiment.”

“What’s a social experiment?”

“I can’t wait to find out! This is going to be a good year, Albus. I’m sure of it.”

Albus wasn’t sure sure. Especially when they got assigned their muggle studies project: rate something on a scale from one to ten.

“What does that even mean?” Albus asked as they left the class.

“I suppose we’ll have to figure that out ourselves. I’m glad we’re partners, Albus.”

  
“And this is a semester long project, right?”

  
“Yeah, it counts for something like half of our grade.”

  
“Wow. We really have to figure out something good, then. I don’t suppose you’ve thought of anything in the last two minutes?”

“No, I—hey, Rose! Rose!”

Albus turned away as Scorpius barely managed to jump onto a swinging staircase after his cousin. He didn’t understand why Scorpius was still trying. Maybe he did have some of that Malfoy entitlement that Albus’ dad was always talking about.

Every once in a while, Albus considered trying to intercede on Rose’ behalf. But Rose would probably hex him senseless if he even considered upholding the patriarchal standard of men defending woman. Still, he felt kind of bad just standing by and watch it happen (for more than one reason). Maybe he should ask Lily if they could give him any advice, she was way more up on feminism than he was.

Albus sat down near a painting of a bear chasing a terrified wizard around a table to try and think of something really impressive to rate on a scale of one to ten. Dinner in the Great Hall? No, that would just offend the House Elves. Various Quidditch moves? No, Scorpius knew nothing about Quidditch.

“Hey, Albus!” Scorpius’ breathless voice interrupted his thoughts. “I just had the best idea for our Muggle Studies project.”

“What?” Albus asked eagerly.

  
“Well, when I ran into Rose on the stairs just then—” _More like chased her up the stairs _“—she told me that everything I did was horribly unattractive and that I’m the last person she’d ever consider going out with.”

  
“Oh, Scorp, I’m sorry.”   
  
“No, it made me realize something!”

  
_That maybe you should just give up on Rose?_

“That I’ve got to be more attractive! And because you used to fancy me, you’d probably be able to tell when I’m doing something attractive. So that can be our project! You can rate things I do on a scale of how attractive they make me, from one to ten, with five being the baseline level. It’ll be great, Albus. We could make charts!”

Albus pinched his leg under his robes, hard. He was awake. But he anticipated having several nightmares about this exact moment. 

“We’re not on Mythbusters, Scorp. Let’s just find something else to rate.”

  
“Actually, Mythbusters did several similar experiments. Rating things, you know. They always had a baseline, and then a scale from one to ten. Come on, this is going to be really fun!”

“Can I say no?”

“Albus, please?” Scorpius looked up at him with big, pleading eyes and and endearing pout. And Albus found himself agreeing to help his best friend (who he just happened to also be completely in love with) get together with his annoying cousin.

And he hadn’t thought his life could get anymore complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! We've really gotten into the drama of the story now. I hope you enjoyed this fairly long chapter, I definitely enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> Please do comment or leave kudos if you feel like it, every single one absolutely makes my day. Have a wonderful rest of your weekend, and a good week!


	8. Rating?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The experiment has begun, and Scorpius doesn't seem to understand the meaning of a nicely worded "stop."

“Rating?” Scorpius whispered.

“6.5,” Albus hissed back.

Scorpius used his fingers to comb his har across his forehead. “What about now?”

“If you ask me every two minutes, I’ll never be able to keep it straight on the chart.”

“Alright.”

Scorpius reluctantly turned his attention to the front of the room and tried to pay attention to his history teacher’s droning voice. He was pretty sure they were learning about the Second Wizarding War, again. Professor Binns seemed to teach the exact same thing every year, and Scorpius had never been able to remember any of it. Plus, he usually didn’t listen to the lectures about Albus’ dad. It seemed like an invasion of privacy.

He tuned out the Professor’s voice for what seemed like at least three minutes, then turned eagerly to Albus.

“Rating?”

  
“Rose isn’t even in this class, Scorp. Can you just knock it off?”

“Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy. Is this something you’d like to share with the class?”

“We were just talking about how my dad and my mum fought his grandad in the Ministry of Magic,” Albus said loudly. “Aren’t you glad those familial feuds haven’t carried over to this generation?”

“My goodness,” Professor Binns said, looking quite overjoyed. “What a wonderful point! You two young men are a fine example of how the Second Wizarding War brought unity to the Wizarding world. What a lovely thing to say.”

“I guess he doesn’t know that my grandad tried to curse you five times last year,” Scorpius whispered. Albus just shrugged and put a finger to his lips. Scorpius sighed and turned back to the front of the classroom. Pretending to pay attention was so exhausting.

“Remember, you’re going to Madam Pomfrey during lunch,” Albus said as they finally exited the classroom after an interminable hour.

“Oh, right,” Scorpius said. “What would I do without you, Albus?”

“Well, you probably would’ve stopped remembering to get your testosterone spells about three years ago.”

  
“Yeah, probably,” Scorpius shrugged. He liked the effect of the spells, of course, and would be very upset if he missed too many. But he didn’t think he’d ever once remembered to get one all on his own.

The boys turned down the hallway towards the hospital wing, and Scorpius caught a flash of reddish-black curls. Rose.

“Quick!” He said, desperately combing his hand through his hair and re-arranging his messenger bag, all thoughts of medical spells forgotten. “Now?”

“I’ll give you an eight,” Albus said, scribbling a number down on his chart.

  
“Oh, wonderful!” Scorpius gave Albus’ messy black hair a quick ruffle. He wished that he could let his own hair be messy again, but that just wasn’t attractive, he supposed. He’d always thought that messy hair was fairly high on his personal attractiveness scale. “See you after lunch.”

“See you,” Albus said. He seemed a bit snappish to Scorpius, but he’d always been bad at reading emotions.

“Hey, Rose!” He called, running up the hallway after her. She didn’t even look his direction, just turned into the nearest classroom and closed the door behind him.

Scorpius looked around to make sure nobody was watching before doing a mini fist pump. She hadn’t insulted him! He was finally making progress!


	9. The Potter Trio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus could always rely on his siblings to beat him up or annoy him to the point of insanity. However, he could also rely on them to take his side and make him feel better when no one else could.

“He’s making you do_ what_?” Lily asked, pacing back and forth at the side of the lake.

“It’s no big deal, Lils. It’s just a Muggle Studies assignment.” Albus leaned back against the grass, in the shade of an old oak tree, and waited for his sibling to wear herself out. A year and a half may not have changed his all-consuming crush on his best friend, but it had definitely changed his relationships with his siblings.

Lily had been quite angry about the way he’d treated Scorpius long after they’d made up, but eventually she’d caught him when he was just tired enough to tell her the reason behind his behavior. The next day, she’d made him tell James too. And because James had gone through something similar with Teddy, and Lily was a pacifist deep (deep) down, they’d managed to mostly repair the tattered shreds of their sibling relationship.

Albus had never seen his dad so shocked as when they’d come home from Hogwarts last summer and sat down to play gobstones together.

“A muggle studies assignment is learning how to use a microwave, or reading some Jane Austin. Not torturing your friend!” Lily shook their head, bright red hair flying out in all directions. Albus smiled. The experiment may have been awful, but at least Lily was on his side. “Doesn’t he know how upset he’s making you?”

“No, he doesn’t.”

“How can he not? You’re just trying to get over him, and he’s making that, like, twenty thousand times harder.”

“Not so loud, Lily! Has someone transfigured you into a Howler?”

“Sorry,” she said, lowering her voice. “I’m just upset. I can’t understand why he’d do this.”

“He doesn’t really know what’s he’s doing,” Albus said, sighing. “I may have told him that I’m over him.”

“Oh, then it’s simple. Just tell him that you were lying, and he’ll stop the whole experiment.”

“You want me to tell my best friend, who’s currently using me as a matchmaker for him and my cousin, that I have I crush on him? Yeah, Lily, great idea.”

“I just don’t think you should have to do this.”

“Yeah, well, we all have to do things we don’t want to do. Now can you please stop pacing? I’m starting to get dizzy.”

“Hey, Albus!” Scorpius sprinted up to them, sweaty and panting. “What about now?”

  
“Three,” Albus said. “You’re kind of disgusting.”

“Rose is right over there! Oh my god, what am I going to do?”

“Don’t panic. Remember, you learned that clothes drying spell last week? And you have that comb in your bag.”

“Thanks, Al. What would I do without you? Oh, hi, Lily. Nice to see you. Later!”

“So,” said Lily. “That’s your experiment.”

“Yeah,” said Albus, scratching a three down on his chart.

“He wasn’t actually a three, was he?”

“No.”

“What was he?”

“A ten.” Albus sighed, and raked his fingers through his hair. “He’s always a ten.”

“Oh, Al.” Lily sat down and slung an arm over Albus’ shoulder. “Do you want to talk about how embarrassing Dad is for a while?”

  
Albus nodded. He didn’t really trust himself to speak.

“Hey, did I hear that Dad’s embarrassing?” Albus and Lily barely jumped when the invisibility cloak dropped to the grass and James sat down beside them.

“How long have you been there?”

“Oh, you know, long enough for your friend to almost trample me to death.” James clapped a hand on Albus’ shoulder, almost sending him face-first into the tree. "You’re twice the man Rose is, Albie.”

  
“Well, yeah. That’s the problem.”

“There’s no accounting for poor taste. You know, Teddy and I took about five years to sort out everything, and now we’re almost disgustingly happy. Have hope, young Albus, because hope is a bright light in these dark times or whatever the original Albus said.” James sat down next to Albus, almost directly on his hand, and leaned back on his elbows. “So, what should we talk about first? That time Dad thought Cedric Diggory was asking him to have sex in the Prefects’ bathroom?”

“How about the time Aunt Hermione asked Dad what he was up to, and he gave a fifteen minute speech on how hard it is to be the chosen one?” Lily asked, laughing. “Merlin, I can’t believe everyone thinks he’s some kind of idol.”

“One time, when Lily was two, I found him at three AM trying to cram his foot into one of her socks,” James said. “He didn’t have his glasses on.”

“Do you think he just keeps them as a fashion statement? Madam Pomfrey could’ve made his eyesight perfect about a million times over at this point.” Lily shook their head. “You know, Rita Skeeter would probably kill for an interview with us.”

Albus was feeling an odd kind of sensation, like he’d just drunk a whole pint of fire whiskey. It was something he usually only felt when he was around Scorpius. During his first few years at Hogwarts, he’d almost forgotten how well he and his siblings used to get along together, before the whole getting-into-Slytherin-being-best-friends-with-a-Malfoy fiasco. Them being almost back to their former closeness now almost made up Scorpius inadvertently turning his entire life into a horror movie/torture chamber combo.

“Remember when he was trying to light the Hanukkah candles but accidentally lit Lily’s hair on fire?” Albus asked.

“I smelt like a burned potion for weeks!”

“Thanks, guys,” Albus said once their laughter had quieted. “You’re pretty cool. For siblings, I mean.”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Lily said, punching him gently in the shoulder.

“Ah, to be young and in love,” James said. “It sucks. You’re still pretty annoying, Al, but I’ll help you if I can.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!! I hope you enjoyed what is probably my very favorite chapter in this entire story. If you feel like it, please do leave kudos or a comment because I can't tell you how much I appreciate them. I also appreciate all of you for reading this piece, whether you comment/kudos or not. I hope you have a wonderful week, and stay safe!


	10. Every Day I'm Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus' internal struggle

Albus was in hell.

Metaphorically, of course. He hadn’t somehow gone wrong in apparition and wound up in the literal underworld. But if Albus were to wager a guess (and if his religion actually had a hell) this was exactly what his own personal hell would be.

“You don’t think it’s too much?” Scorpius was asking, frowning at his reflection in the mirror. “Come on, Albus. Is this just the stupidest idea ever?”

Albus mutely shook his head, because he didn’t trust himself to speak. Or move. Or breathe.

“Really. What do you think?” Scorpius turned away from the mirror and leaned up into Albus’ face. His nose was barely an inch from Albus’, his lips were more than close enough to kiss. But for once, Albus wasn’t concentrating on those (gorgeous, amazing, beautiful, perfect) lips.

Because Scorpius was trying something new. Something daring. Something especially manufactured to send Albus into a state of complete mental shutdown.

“Ugh. I knew I shouldn’t have put on the eyeliner.”

Albus was almost glad when Scorpius went back to staring at himself in the mirror. If he’d been that close for another minute, Albus was pretty sure that he would’ve done something incredibly stupid. Like grab his neck and kiss him. Which would have immediately ruined their friendship and completed this absolutely torturous experience.

“Rating?” Scorpius finally asked. The “cue word” startled Albus out of his thoughts for just long enough to collect them.

  
“Three,” he said. Because he never, never, never wanted to have to see Scorpius with eyeliner on again. “I’d loose the eyeliner.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought too.” Scorpius muttered a few spells under his breath, and the thin strokes of black eyeliner faded from his eyes. Albus’ relief mingled with a deep sense of loss. “Thanks, Albus. You’re a true friend.”

“I’m…yes. You too. Are welcome.” Albus was doing an absolutely superb impression of Scorpius, the first time they’d ever met. Which meant that Scorpius was able to read his emotions like an open book.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” At least he’d been able to get out _one _normal sentence. “Why don’t you go down to dinner—breakfast. Why don’t you go down for breakfast, and I’ll be right down.”

“You’re sure you’re okay?”

Everything would be so much easier if Scorpius were just a horrible friend. Or a mean person. Or if Albus were good, normal, and non-creepy. Or if Albus didn’t pick up mannerisms from everyone he spent more than five minutes around. Or if Scorpius…no. Albus had promised himself that he’d never think about that. It was bad enough being in love with his best friend without becoming Eponine (for reasons unknown to him, James loved _Les Mis_).

“Yes, I’m sure I’m okay. I just didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“I’m sorry, Al. If you need more sleep, I’ll tell the teachers your dad wanted a special talk with you through the floo. They all love your dad.”

“Thanks, Scorp. I think I could use a day to catch up on homework.”

“Hey, why don’t we do homework together? We could go down by the lake during our break. Sometimes Rose is down by the lake during that time!”

“Yeah, sure. That sounds great. See you then.”

Scorpius ruffled Albus’ hair, swung his messenger bag over his shoulder, and left the room. Albus sunk down to the floor and buried his face between his knees. He reached into the trunk at the foot of his bed and pushed a well-worn button on the Muggle alarm clock Grandpa Weasley had given him for Hanukkah. He would give himself exactly five minutes to cry before he started on his homework.

Every day, Albus had a moment where he forgot. When he was young, he forgot that he was Harry Potter’s son and that Daily Prophet reporters followed him every time he left his house. Later, he’d wake up and forget that he was in the enemy’s house instead of in Gryffindor with all the good guys. Then he’d go home and forget that Scorpius wasn’t in the next bed over.

For the last few years, each day there had been a brief shining moment where he wasn’t in love with his best friend, or where Scorpius loved him back. Or where he wouldn’t have to tell Scorpius how beautiful he looked and then send him off to Rose.

Sometimes, after the moment was over, Albus wished he were still in that alternate universe where Rose had never been born.

  
But more often, he wished that he were still in that alternate universe where _he’d _never been born.

The alarm rang, and Albus dried his eyes on the black sleeve of his robe, where the dark stains wouldn’t show. Then he took out the scroll of parchment where the numbers that would lead Scorpius and Rose down the aisle were scribbled, and began carefully copying them over to another, nice scroll. This was worth half their grade after all. He didn’t want to see Scorpius fail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a short chapter today, but I still hope you enjoyed it!! Please do let me know what you think, your comments and kudos brighten my day more than you can know.


	11. The Acorn Becomes an Oak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scorpius is having a wonderful day. He got his first ever ten on the chart, and right when he was looking his best he ran into Rose in the hallway. And she was alone! And then she was nice to him! And then he asked her out for about the hundredth time, braced for the inevitable rejection but feeling too good to care. And then...she said yes. 
> 
> Albus is having a horrible day.

Scorpius took a deep breath. He wiped his sweaty hands on the side of his robes. His hair was perfect, his nails were trimmed, and his teeth were brushed. His reflection in the old water stained mirror looked just like the old pictures of his father.

He wasn’t quite sure if that was a good thing.

“Rating?” He asked Albus, who was already scribbling on the rapidly lengthening spreadsheet. They already had enough for the entire semester, but their (hopefully) good grade paled in comparison to the opportunity of going out with Rose Granger-Weasley.

“8.3,” Albus said. “You have a spot on your robes, and your trainers are undone.”

Scorpius didn’t know how Albus did it. Scorpius wasn’t, generally speaking, and observant bloke. He had let himself be tricked by Delphi, after all. And he hadn’t even remembered that Albus used to fancy him, which was honestly still a bit hard to believe. What was there to fancy? A stained robe and an undone shoelace. No wonder Albus had gotten over him so quickly.

“Here,” Albus said, touching Scorpius’ robe quickly with his wand. “Mum taught me this stain remover spell a few years ago. Toaster had spilled my juice all over Lily’s favorite vest.”

“Thanks,” Scorpius said gratefully. “You’re a true friend, Albus.”

Albus gave a tiny smile, briefly lifting just one side of his mouth. As Scorpius kneeled to tie his shoelace, he tried to remember if he’d seen Albus’ old trademark smile in the last couple of years. He didn’t think he had.

“Now?” He asked, straightening up.

“I’ll give you a 8.9,” Albus said, scrawling the new number down. “Your hair is messy again.”

  
Scorpius groaned. “This is never going to work,” he said as he brushed his hair back for the fifteenth time that morning. “Maybe I should just give up.”

  
“After all this work?” Albus asked, but there was something strained in his voice. He was probably worried about getting to class on time.

“No, you’re right. Malfoys don’t give up, right? Or is that Harpies don’t give up?”

“It’s Harpies. ‘Harpies Don’t Give Up’ was my mum’s old team motto.”

“Oh, well. I’m not giving up either way.”

“I didn’t think so.” Surprisingly, Albus didn’t seem very happy about Scorpius’ newfound resolve. Scorpius shrugged. He must just be tired, Scorpius had woken him up fairly early to help him get ready.

  
“How was your talk with your siblings the other day?” He asked as he grabbed his satchel. “You three seem to be getting on pretty well.”

  
“Yeah, it was fine. No death threats, and only a few punches. I keep forgetting how smart Lily is.”

“And James?”

  
“Well, one of us had to take after Dad. Come on, Scorpius. Let’s go down for breakfast.”

“Wait. What’s my rating now?”

“We’re going to be late.”

“Albus, come on. What is it?”

“I’ll just give you a ten.” Albus pulled the long roll of parchment out of his bag and added a tiny number ten. “Come _on_, we’ll miss breakfast.”

His first ten! Scorpius already knew that today was going to be a good day. And it only got better when, on the way to breakfast, they ran into Rose. Right in the middle of the hallway, walking slowly, all alone. And when she saw Scorpius, she didn’t even run!

Scorpius had known that eventually, the acorn of their love would grow into a giant oak. But now that it was happening, he honestly had no idea what to do.

“Hi, Albus,” Rose said in an almost pleasant tone of voice. Scorpius had the uncanny feeling that he’d travelled to an alternate timeline. Again. “Bread Head.”

Well, that was better. At least she wasn’t being nice.

  
Scorpius gave himself a mental shake. What was he thinking? Rose had been _nice_, for the first time ever. This was what he’d been waiting for his entire life.

“Hi, Rose,” he said in his most even voice.

“Hey,” Albus mumbled.

“Scorpius,” Rose said, and Scorpius almost jumped. He didn’t think she’d ever called him by real name his. “Don’t you have something you want to ask me?”

“Oh, yes, of course.” Luckily Scorpius had said this speech about fifty thousand times, or he would be too stunned to talk. “Rose, do you want to go to Hogsmede with me this weekend?”

“Yes.”

Scorpius didn’t think there was water in his ears, and he hadn’t been confunded since the week before. So had Rose actually just said yes?

  
“Really? As a date? Like, where two people who like each other go out with each other on a date?” Albus elbowed Scorpius in the ribs, and he shut up. Babbling wasn’t attractive.

“Exactly. How about the Three Broomsticks on Saturday?”

“Yes! I mean, yes. Yes, that sounds fantastic.”

“Alright. I’ll see you then.”

And then she walked away, leaving Scorpius absolutely dumbstruck.

“Did she just say yes?” He asked Albus, jaw still gaping.

“I really think she did,” Albus said, sounding equally surprised. “Good for you, Scorpius.”

“Not good for me, good for you!” Scorpius grabbed Albus in a tight hug. “It was you and your chart, Albus! Thank you so, so, so, so much.”

“You’re welcome,” Albus said, gently disengaging from Scorpius’ arms. “Come on, we’re definitely missing breakfast.”

So Albus wasn’t quite as excited about Scorpius’ newfound romance as Scorpius had hoped. Oh, well. He’d come around, and someday he’d be Scorpius’ best man at he and Rose’s eventual wedding, and stand right next to him at the alter, and make a speech about how great Scorpius was just before the dancing started.

Scorpius was looking forward to it already.

As they entered the great hall, Albus made an odd movement with his arm that Scorpius thought was probably a stretch, or maybe a spasm. He hoped that Albus was okay. It would be a shame if Albus started feeling ill on the first day of the rest of his life with Rose.

  
“So, how do you think the date will go?” Scorpius asked.

  
“I don’t know,” Albus said. Scorpius had hoped he’d have a bit more than that, because Scorpius had no idea what to do on a date.

“Should I ask if we can go to a different place instead? Like Madam Puddifoot’s? And should I bring her flowers? And how about—”

“Hey, Albus!” Lily’s hair flew around their shoulders as she sprinted across the great hall. “It’s Toaster. He’s not doing well. I took him over to Hagrid’s, but I still don’t know what’s going on. I just know that seeing you would make him feel better, but right now he’s freaking out. James is there, pretending to be you, but it’s not really working. Can you come? Please? Now?”

“Oh, Merlin,” Albus said, sounding even more upset than Scorpius had anticipated. “I’m so sorry, Scorpius. I’ve got to go see him. Don’t wait for me, okay?”

“I can come with—” he started, only to be cut off again by Lily.

  
“Toaster doesn’t like having too many people in his space,” she said, grabbing Albus’ arm. “And he’s never really liked you, not since you transfigured him. Albus will see you later.”

“Okay,” Scorpius said, to the empty air where Albus used to be. “Later.”

As he went to sit down at the Slytherin table for a breakfast of solitude, Scorpius reminded himself that he was actually, really, _finally _going to go on a date with Rose Granger-Weasley.

  
For some reason, the butterflies in his stomach stayed completely still.

“Thanks, Lily,” Albus said, slumping against the wall just outside of the great hall.

  
“Of course. What are siblings for?” Lily sat down next to him, and held her hand out. “You do have my payment, right?”

Albus rolled his eyes and handed her three sickles. “I regret thanking you.”

“So, what’s up? You haven’t ever used the signal before.”

“Scorpius asked Rose out.”

“And? He’s done that every five minutes for the last six years.”

  
“She said yes. They’re going to the three broomsticks this Saturday.”

“Oh, Al.” Lily stroked his hair the way their mother had always done, whenever one of them was upset. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s just so hard, you know? I should be happy for him. I should be a good friend. What’s wrong with me, Lily?”

“You are a good friend, Albus. Scorpius is the one who’s messed up, if he can’t see exactly how great you are. Do you want me to accidentally hex him? I learned a great one the other day. It makes him call all of the professors _Daddy _for a day.”

“And where did you find that spell?”

  
“Alright, maybe I made it up. And maybe it has the word _Scorpius _in it. Do you want me to slip up while I’m practicing? It would be funny.”

“No, Lils. But thank you.”

“That’s what siblings are for,” she said again. “Honestly.”

Albus leaned his head on her shoulder, and took a deep breath.

“I’m glad we get on now,” he said quietly. “I mean, mostly.”

“Me too,” they said, stroking his hair again. “You’re a pretty good brother. When you’re not erasing me from existence with a stolen time turner.”

“And you’re a pretty good sibling. And a pretty good actor.”

“Oh, did you like my performance? Yeah, I’ve been practicing that ever since we came up with the signal. By the way, Toaster actually should be down at Hagrid’s by now, with James.”

“Why?” Albus shot to his feet. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine, but I thought we should make this excuse as believable as possible. Hagrid just thinks they’re over for tea. I should be able to get you out of at least your first two periods without a detention, as long as you act really happy to see Hagrid.”

“I’ll be really happy to see anyone who isn’t Rose. Or Scorpius.”

“Alright,” Lily said, picking herself up. “We’re going to fly down. I borrowed a broomstick for you.” Albus groaned. “You’ve got to practice, Al. You were on my team last family game, and we lost by almost three hundred points!”

  
“But what if I’m on the other team next time?”

“There's no excuse for shoddy flying. Come on, Albus. I’ll go slow enough that you can keep up.”

“Well, maybe I’m better than you think I am.”

“I would be absolutely shocked.”

“Want to bet three sickles?”

“And get six sickles in one day? You’re on.”

Albus smiled, just a bit, as he followed Lily out of the castle’s huge front doors. Thank Merlin for the signal. And thank Merlin for Lily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter probably didn't go quite the way you expected it to. But don't worry, I promise everything will work out in the end! I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, and I hope you had fun reading it. 
> 
> Please do consider leaving a comment or kudos, because each and every one makes my entire day. Either way, thank you so much for reading this story!! Love you all, stay safe 💙💙


	12. The Big Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day Scorpius has been waiting for his entire life is finally here. He can barely believe it. He is on a date with Rose Granger-Weasley, the girl of his dreams. And it is going...not quite as expected.

Scorpius let go of the chair he’d awkwardly tried to pull out for Rose before she’d brushed past him and taken the bench. This was going well so far. He maneuvered around the neighboring table and managed to squeeze himself into the chair, legs scrunched up to avoid touching Rose’s feet under the table. That didn’t seem like a first date type of thing.

“Order?” A house elf asked in a bored voice, straightening their uniform.

  
“Er, I’ll have a butterbeer, I suppose.” He really wanted to order pumpkin juice, but that seemed a bit juvenile.

“Firewhisky,” Rose said. Yep, pumpkin juice was definitely too juvenile. Scorpius had only had Firewhisky once, when he and Albus had snuck some out of his dad’s repurposed potion bottle. He’d taken one sip and practically choked, and Albus had laughed at him for almost ten minutes straight. He wasn’t going to risk it today.

The house elf scribbled their orders down on a slip of paper, nodded, and went on their way.

“So, Scorpius,” Rose said, leaning across the table towards him. “Why did you ask me to come here?”

For a second, Scorpius froze. Had he not made it clear that this was a date? No, he definitely remembered saying the word date. He’d said it several times, actually. He’d gotten nervous, and hadn’t quite stuck to the script Albus had helped him write.

“For a date?” It came out as a question, and Scorpius gave a silent sigh. Uncertainty was not attractive.

“Yes, but why?”

“Because I want to go on a date with you.” There. That was assertive.

“Why?”

“I don’t really understand what you’re asking.”

“Lily told me about your social experiment.” Scorpius had forgotten how much verbal whiplash was involved in a conversation with Rose Granger-Weasley.

  
“She did?”

“Yes. I think it’s idiotic.”

Scorpius didn’t quite know what to say to that. He had done it all for her, after all. He’d never been on one before, but he didn’t think this date was going very well.

“How did you come up with the criterion for the experiment?” Rose asked. Did she ever stop talking? Scorpius needed a minute to catch up. He wasn’t even sure what they were talking about anymore.

“The…what?”

“The things you rate on a scale of one to ten. What makes someone attractive.”

“Oh! Albus and I came up with them.”

“Did he come up with more, or did you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Alright. It doesn’t really matter, anyway. How do I rate?”

“What?” Scorpius didn’t think he’d said _what _so many times in one conversation in his life.

“On your scale,” Rose said, with a tremendous sigh. “From one to ten. How do I rate?”

Scorpius looked at Rose. He tried to remember what was on the list, what Albus usually rated him on, but his mind was frustratingly blank. “I’ve never actually done a rating.”

“Fine. How about on your own personal scale? Just think of the things you find attractive, and then tell me how I rate.”

_That_ Scorpius could do. He closed his eyes and filled out a mental chart, with categories like _messy hair _and _makes me laugh _and _likes sweets. _Once he felt like he had a comprehensive list, he opened his eyes and looked at Rose. She was tapping her fingers impatiently and biting her lip. Her hair fell in perfect ringlets, she’d never once made Scorpius laugh, and he didn’t even know if she liked sweets.

“So?” She asked, tipping her head to the side and pursing her lips.

“Er…” Scorpius said. “Well…”

“That’s what I thought.” She gave a tight smile, the first one Scorpius had ever seen from her. “You don’t have to pretend, I know my ratings are pretty critical.”

Scorpius grimaced. He’d given Rose every possible point he could come up with, and she only scored a 2.5. He really was mucking the whole first date thing up.

“Now think about your perfect ten,” Rose said, leaning even further towards him. “Who fulfills all of your criteria?”

Scorpius closed his eyes. He imagined someone with messy hair who made him laugh, liked sweets, gave the best hugs, laughed at _him_ when he did stupid things like drink Firewhisky, had bright green eyes…

Scorpius’ own eyes shot open. He didn’t know when he’d grabbed the table, but his knuckles were white. His bottom lip felt like he’d bit it straight through.

“It’s him, isn’t it?” Rose asked, smirking when Scorpius’ eyes widened so far he felt like his eyeballs were about to fall out. “I knew it would be.”

“I…I don’t…_what?_”

“Scorpius, you never liked me. You thought you did, but you didn’t. Maybe you felt like it was too much to be trans and go out with a boy, maybe you were afraid he didn’t feel the same way, maybe the intergenerational tension between your families rubbed off on you more than you thought. I was just a substitute, so you didn’t have to recognize your true feelings.”

Scorpius felt like Rose had just slapped him upside the head with a frying pan, then hit him with _Stupefy_. His brain seemed to have ground to a halt. This was not the way he’d anticipated this going.

“I’m a lesbian, by the way,” Rose added. “Just so you know you’re not breaking my heart.”

“Oh, um, good for you.”

  
“Yes, it is.”

“Butterbeer,” the house elf said, breaking into Scorpius’ personal hell to shove a brimming mug in front him. “Firewhiskey.”

“Thank you,” Rose said, handing the house elf a few galleons.

“Shouldn’t I pay?”

“No, I haven’t exactly been the best date. At least I can give you a Butterbeer before you go back to my cousin.”

“And you think he…you know. You think he feels the same way?” Scorpius’ heart was fluttering like a swarm of butterflies had magically been trapped in his chest. He’d always thought he felt this way because Rose was around. Now, he realized that he’d never felt that way when Albus wasn’t with them, too.

“I don’t know. He’s been telling you how attractive you are all year, he told you that he loved you, and he’s never even shown interest in anyone else. You tell me.”

“But he said—”

“That he was over it? Yeah, that’s what you say when someone broke your heart and then forgot all about it. That wasn’t very kind of you, by the way. I’ll let it slide this time, but if it ever happens again, I’ll set Lily on you.”

“How are you _doing _this? I mean, how do you know all that?”

“I’m the oldest daughter of Ron and Hermione Granger-Weasley. I’ve been an unofficial therapist for basically my entire life, and I’m sure that you know how my parents were in love for about five years before they actually got together. I’ve heard enough stories to recognize the signs.”

  
“But what about Mr. Potter’s parents?”

  
“Did you actually think we’d have a James and Lily love story?” Rose's laugh was sharp, not at all like Albus’. It made him feel like he was the joke, instead of being in on the joke. “Sorry,” she said, noticing his expression. “It’s just that most relationships don’t happen like that. They were a once in a million story, and I’m sure that their dynamic wasn’t nearly as healthy as history says it was. Chasing a girl who doesn’t want to talk to you isn’t attractive, it’s cause for a restraining order.”

  
“Sorry,” Scorpius said, hanging his head.

“I’m not angry.” Rose grabbed Scorpius’ hand with her own, calloused from what must have been years of quidditch. “You didn’t know any better, and I wasn’t very helpful. You do seem nice, though, now that you aren’t chasing me around. And you’re going to be dating my cousin. So would you like to be friends?”

  
“I’d like that.”

“Alright, Bread Head. We’re friends. And as your friend, I’m going to have to tell you to get out of here and tell Albus that you love him.”

Scorpius smiled for the first time that night.

  
“You won’t be lonely?”

“Don’t worry about me. I brought a book.” Rose patted her bulging messenger bag. “Actually, I brought fifteen books. I should be alright until I’m done with my Firewhiskey.”

“Thanks, Rose,” Scorpius said, squeezing her hand.

“Don’t mention it. Now go!” Rose made a motion with her hand that was half _goodbye _and half _shoo_.

Scorpius didn’t even wait until he was outside, as politeness dictated. He stood up and turned on the spot, and opened his eyes just outside of the trapdoor in the basement of Honeydukes. Albus had shown him the secret passage that one time they’d stolen the Marauder’s Map from James.

He rushed down the tunnel, batting away spiderwebs and coughing from the dust. But he didn’t stop running, even though his lungs were burning and his legs were starting to tremble. His entire worldview had been re-written during the last twenty minutes, and for the first time he wasn’t running away from his feelings. He was running _towards _them. Or, more accurately, he was running towards them and then tripping over his own two feet and tumbling out into the Hogwarts corridor. Luckily, it was before curfew, so no one stopped him as he picked himself up off the floor and sprinted down the hallways. He slowed down, just slightly, as he jumped from one staircase to another. He didn’t want to fall like Albus had almost done two years ago.

Finally, he reached the not-so-secret Gryffindor entrance. He leaned up against the stone wall, regaining his breath while he waited for someone who knew the password to let him in.

“You don’t belong here,” the woman in the Gryffindor portrait said. “If I see one more Slytherin tonight, I’m going to scream!”

“So you’ve already seen one?” Scorpius asked eagerly. “Was it Albus Potter?”

“Well…maybe,” the woman shifted her eyes in a way that told Scorpius that the other Slytherin in the Gryffindor tower was _definitely _Albus.

“Then you have to let me in,” Scorpius said excitedly. Then, when the lady’s cheeks began to turn red, he hastily added, “I mean, could you please let me in? I really need to talk to him.”

“Dear boy, unless you know the password, I can’t help you.” The lady’s tone told Scorpius that when she said _dear boy, _she really meant something that couldn’t be said in a school.

“Squid Ink,” a voice from behind him said. He didn’t even have to turn around to recognize Lily. “You really should get over yourself, Marianne. We don’t have a rivalry with Slytherin anymore.”

“But Gryffindors have _always—_” the lady started, but Lily cut her off.

“Squid ink, Marianne.”

The portrait begrudgingly swung open, showing the comforting (yet slightly overpowering) red of the Gryffindor common room. Scorpius stepped forward, but found his path blocked yet again, this time by Lily themself.

  
“Why should I let you in?” She asked.

“How did you get there so fast? Are you apparating without a license again?” Of course, Scorpius knew that you can’t apparate inside Hogwarts. He’d memorized _Hogwarts: A History _before he’d turned nine. But he had much bigger things on his mind.

  
“Answer the question, Malfoy.”

“Because I need to talk to Albus.”

“About what? Do you need him to rate your attractiveness or whatever again? Because what you’re doing to him is cruel, and horrible, and not at all nice.”

“I know. Rose just gave me the exact same talk. I’m sorry, Lily, I really am. But I still need to talk to him.”

“Are you going to apologize?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going to stop the experiment?”

“If he wants to, yes.”

“Wait a minute. Are you going to ask him out?”

Scorpius didn’t answer. What _was _it with the Weasley descendants named after flowers? Were they psychic or something?

“Merlin, you’re going to ask him out! You’ve finally come around!” Lily lunged at him and threw their arms around his shoulders. “Thank Dumbledore. You two were driving me absolutely meshugasah. Come on, Scorpius. He’s at the top of the tower.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! I'm not sure if this chapter went the way you were expecting, but I hope you enjoyed it either way. I certainly enjoyed writing it! 
> 
> If you have the energy/time/inclination, please do leave a comment or kudos. I absolutely promise that each and every one makes my entire day. 
> 
> Love you all, stay safe 💙💙


	13. Falling Feels Like Flying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus has gotten away from it all. "It all" being Scorpius and Rose's amazing, perfect, beautiful, etc. date, and "away" being the top of Gryffindor tower. In a rare moment of kindness, James lent him his broom, and Albus has always enjoyed looking at the stars. 
> 
> But, of course, he couldn't even have a bit of time to prepare to smile through Scorpius' in-depth description of the best date of all time. Because Scorpius had gotten his hands on a broom too, and he was coming up.

Albus wasn’t brooding.

Okay, so maybe he was moping. Possibly grieving. But not brooding. Brooding reminded him too much of the numerous descriptions he’d heard of his father in his fifth year. And the last thing Albus needed right now, on top of everything else, was to be acting like his father.

He tried not to picture Scorpius and Rose’s date, but he couldn’t help it. She was probably leaning across the table towards him, taking his hand, laughing. He was probably laughing too. Maybe they were bonding over stories about stupid things Albus had done. At some point, Scorpius would probably sit on the bench right next to Rose instead of across the table from her. If Albus closed his eyes, all he could see was Scorpius’ arm around Rose and Rose’s head on his shoulder.

At least they were at the Three Broomsticks, instead of Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop. Scorpius had wanted to take Rose there, but Albus had told him that Rose would hate it. Which she would. But also, Albus didn’t think he’d be able to survive Scorpius telling him all about the ambiance and the romance. He already felt like throwing up just thinking about it, and it would be so much worse when Scorpius inevitably gave him a detailed account of their date. And Albus would have to smile through the whole thing.

He hugged his knees even closer to his chest, resisting the urge to cast a warming spell. He hadn’t borrowed James’ broomstick and navigated some tricky crosswinds to be comfortable.

Albus looked up at the sky and took a deep breath. They didn’t have this kind of view in the Slytherin dorms.

Albus had always loved watching the stars. When he was young, his dad used to take him up on the roof and show him the Sirius constellation. After first year, Albus went up by himself and tried to find Scorpius (needless to say, he was completely ignoring that constellation today). Somewhere along the way, he’d begun to appreciate the stars for themselves. The stars didn’t care who his family was, what his Hogwarts house was. They shone for him either way. They reminded him that even if he never did anything else in his life, he could always see the stars.

Albus had contemplated going to the astronomy tower, and semi-illegally using the telescope to look at a few of his favorite galaxies. But Scorpius was bound to find him there, and he just needed a little bit of time where he didn’t have to pretend that he wasn’t in love with his best friend. He wasn’t going to stop talking to him again, of course. That had been bad enough the first time, and absolute torture the second time. He just needed a little bit of time without—

“Albus!”

No. That couldn’t possibly be—

“Albus! It’s me!”

Wow. The date had gone so well that Scorpius had actually hunted Albus down in the middle of the lion’s den (literally) just to torture him. This was great. This was really just fucking fantastic.

Albus slumped backwards, head hitting the stone of the tower roof with a painful bang. The stars still sparkled down at him, but now they just seemed to be mocking him.

“Wait a minute,” Scorpius shouted. He must be in the boy’s dorm. Albus was surprised that James or one of his annoying friends hadn’t already thrown him out the window. “I’m coming up.”

“How?” Albus asked, before realizing that maybe if he hadn’t responded Scorpius would have given up. Scorpius didn’t say anything to him, but over the wind he heard what sounded like James’ voice saying something about _Lily _and _broom_. “You can’t fly, Scorpius,” he called down.

“Yes I can. I flew that one time, in first year.”

“You crashed. You were in the hospital wing for weeks.” No answer. “Scorpius, don’t be stupid.”

At this point, Albus probably should have given up. Flown James’ broom down to the dorm before Scorpius got ripped apart by lions, and then listened to the entire story of the date from paradise and how they’d already gotten engaged and raised their first two children. Or whatever. But he just didn’t have the energy. He could barely even raise his head. He just wanted to sleep, preferably for the next twenty or so years. Maybe if his dad hadn’t killed that basilisk, he could have just gotten paralyzed for a while. Dammit, Dad.

“Wow,” a breathless voice said from somewhere below him. “It’s really windy out here.” Then, “_Woah! _No, I’m okay, I’m good, I’m…going to die! I’m going to…no, I’m fine I’m really—ow.”

Albus sighed, appreciating the silence while it lasted. Scorpius was never this quiet.

Wait.

Albus, moving faster than he’d thought possible in his sluggish depression, scrambled to the edge of the tower. There was Scorpius, and there was Lily’s broomstick hovering in the air almost five feet above him.

Albus practically jumped off the tower, mounting James’ broom in midair as he streaked down towards Scorpius’ rapidly receding body. He pressed himself almost flat against the handle, exactly the way his dad had demonstrated when he still thought Albus would be a star on the Gryffindor quidditch team.

At least Scorpius wasn’t screaming. Albus really needed to concentrate right now. Unless…Scorpius wasn’t screaming because he was already—No. That was another thing that Albus wasn’t even going to think about.

He was only a foot away, now. Only inches. He let go of the broomstick with both hands—something his father had told him to never, ever do—and grabbed Scorpius by his ridiculously posh jacket. Something savage in him hoped that it ripped, so Scorpius could never wear it for Rose again.

Why were Scorpius’ legs so _long_? And he wasn’t being helpful at all, as Albus tried to wrestle him on the still plummeting broomstick. Maybe he was in shock. Hopefully, he was in shock. He couldn’t have seriously injured himself in the fall, right? He couldn’t have…well, he was probably in shock.

Finally, Albus gave up on trying to get Scorpius up on the broomstick. He clamped his arms around his best friend’s chest (which was still rising and falling, thank Merlin) and tried not to think too much about the far too intimate position. He didn’t have time. The ground was still rushing up to meet them, and he had no idea how to level out a broomstick without his hands.

He tried leaning back, which seemed to work, except Scorpius was still pulling him forwards. He shifted backwards, almost to the bristled end of the broom, and leaned until he almost fell off, but he still barely managed to level them off in time. One more foot, and Scorpius’ dangling legs would have been broken by the impact.

Albus gently dropped Scorpius onto the ground. His desperate attempt to level out the broomstick had made them drift, and now they were on the outskirts of the Forbidden Forrest instead of at the bottom of Gryffindor tower. Albus didn’t know how they were going to get back to Hogwarts, or which of Hagrid’s “pets” were wandering nearby right now. But at least he’d caught Scorpius. 

Albus rolled off the broomstick himself. He was absolutely exhausted. How did James do this every week? He hoped Lily had cast an _Accio _on their broomstick, because he definitely didn’t have the energy to go and get it for them.

He stared up at the stars, not daring to look at Scorpius while he felt for his pulse. There was a wetness on his neck that might be blood, but the only healing spell Albus could remember right now was _Brackium Emendo, _and he was pretty sure that might actually kill him. If he was even alive.

Eventually, Albus realized that his lips were moving. It took him a few more moments to realize that he was halfway through a whispered recitation of _Mi Sheberach_, a prayer for healing. He couldn’t remember starting, but he continued for what felt like an hour until he finally found Scorpius’ pulse. It wasn’t even weak or thready. Scorpius was alive.

All Albus wanted to do was throw his arms around Scorpius. Best case, kiss him. But he was still holding onto James’ broomstick with one hand, and he didn’t want to make Scorpius uncomfortable. If he was awake.

“Scorp?” He asked, as loudly as he could over the wind. He wished he could cast _Protego _or something, but he’d left his wand at the top of the tower.

Albus almost sobbed with relief when Scorpius mumbled something. He was alive. He was awake.

“What?” He asked, moving closer.

“Ten,” Scorpius murmured. Albus’ panic surged back, almost stronger than before. He’d hit his head, and now he had brain damage. Just like Wayne Rivers-Jones, the kid whose broomstick had gone straight through his head. Poor Wayne. Poor _Scorpius. _

“What?” Albus asked, again, moving even closer so that he could hear Scorpius over the rush of the wind. “Come on, Scorpius. Tell me about your date. Has the acorn of your love blossomed or whatever?”

Albus had never thought that he’d be desperate to hear Scorpius tell him every detail of his date with Rose.

“I had a whole speech,” Scorpius said, turning his head to look at Albus. In the horribly dim light, his eyes looked far too dilated. That wasn’t good, was it?

  
“About the date?” Albus prompted, after a few moments of silence.

“The date?” Scorpius looked genuinely confused. This wasn’t good.

  
“Your date with Rose. The love of your life.” Albus’ stomach clenched uncomfortably, but he ignored it. “You know, the first date of the rest of your lives together.”

“Oh, that. Yeah, we had a nice talk.” Albus waited for him to say more, to go on and on about his cousin and her perfect curls or nose or whatever, but Scorpius didn’t seem to have any more to say on the subject.

“What were you saying before?” Albus didn’t have the energy to fly them back up the tower, and the’d definitely get detention for being outside after hours. He could deal with detention if Scorpius needed to go to Madam Pomfrey’s, but he’d rather wait until he was certain that Scorpius wasn’t okay.

“Oh, right!” Scorpius made an expression that was somewhere between a smile and a grimace. “Ten.”

“Ten?”

  
“Yes, ten. Like on the chart.”

“Oh. So Rose was a ten? The date was a ten?”

“No, not Rose. Although she is very smart, and rather nice. You.”

“Me?” Scorpius nodded, smiling, but Albus didn’t understand what was happening. Him what? He was Rose? He was smart and rather nice? “Me what?”

“You’re the ten.”

“Alright,” Albus said, trying to remain calm. “So you’ve obviously suffered some brain damage, but that’s okay. We can take you to Madam Pomfrey and she’ll fix you right up. Where did you hit your head? How many fingers am I holding up?”

“You’re not holding any fingers up. And I don’t have brain damage.” Albus was, in fact, not holding any fingers up. But that didn’t change the fact that Scorpius’ brain was totally scrambled.

“Whatever you say. Can you stand up? Should I call Rose?”

“Why would you call Rose?”

“Because you’re dating.” How much had Scorpius forgotten? Albus didn’t want to visit him in St. Mugo’s for the rest of his life, but that seemed to be a very real possibility.

“Oh, no! We’re not dating. I don’t actually like her. I thought I did, but I really don’t.”

“Scorpius, I don’t think you know what you’re saying. This is _Rose_.”

“Yes, I know.”

“You’ve always loved Rose.”

“No, I haven’t! See, that’s the thing. We have intergenerational tension and I’m trans and she was a substitute.” Albus hadn’t been this lost since he’d time travelled to an alternate dimension. He _was_ still in his dimension, right? “I think she said it better, but anyway. She told me to imagine my perfect ten, you know, on the scale. And I did.”

“And it was her.”

“No. Her hair is perfect, and she doesn’t make me laugh.”

Huh. Albus hadn’t been expecting this. To hear Scorpius talk, Rose was the most perfect person in the universe. “Please don't say it’s Lily.”

“Of course it’s not Lily. Haven’t you been listening? It’s you.”

What had Albus done to deserve this? Sure, he was a little moody. And maybe he had an unrequited crush on his best friend, and maybe he was a little too angry at his cousin sometimes. But he was sure that he didn’t deserve to have Scorpius get brain damage and start saying these ridiculous, wonderful, devastating things.

“You're not thinking straight. Come on, we’re going to see Madam Pomfrey.”

This was everything Albus had ever wanted.

And it wasn’t real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you thought that title was metaphorical, right? I'm very sorry for leaving you on a cliffhanger two weeks in a row. On the bright side, I promise there will be no more cliffhangers for the rest of the story! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, seriously. You have no idea how much I appreciate you. If you have the time/energy, I appreciate every comment and kudos I receive. Each and every one absolutely makes my day!
> 
> Stay safe, love you all 💙💙

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Thank you for reading!! I just remembered that this was in my drafts, and I really want to work on it more. Any comments and/or kudos are immensely appreciated and will really help me out of this writing slump.


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